He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
