I should be sponsored by Trojan
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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