I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
