fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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