so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
