WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
