Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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