are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
