I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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