so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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