i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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