They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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