Please, let me fuck your mom
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
