I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
