You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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