How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
