Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
