Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
