Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
