Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
