she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
