I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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