uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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