we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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