i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I deserve to be covered in dicks
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
