I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
