Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
