I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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