his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
