U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
