Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
