I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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