Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
