when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
