weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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