dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
