i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
this will be a night to untag.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
