The maid of honor just puked.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
