Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
