i was born a porn star she said
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
