I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
