I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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