Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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