saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
