yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
