True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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