I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
