New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my shit smells like andre
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
