Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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