The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
