those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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