I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was born a porn star she said
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
