Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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