im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
